Pepsi, the Monkey and $1,000,000,000

The media media, that is, those publications and electronic outlets that cover the communications industry, have uncovered a joint abomination that Pepsi and Warner Brothers TV plan to perpetrate in the coming weeks. It seems that wanting to be a millionaire on the strength of one's trivia knowledge is inadequate; the jaded American public needs a shot at $1 billion -- fortunately, a monkey will give it away to add a touch of dignity.

The premise is that there will be specially coded bottle caps, and players will be awarded the money (the odds of this happening are 1000:1, and Pepsi has taken out an insurance policy against this happening) by a special drawing -- made by a monkey -- on a two-hour prime time program. CNN quotes executive producer, Matti Leshem (whose mother is probably proud), as saying, "It's the ultimate slap in the face to evolution: The fate of a billion dollars will be in the hands of a monkey."

PETA has chimed in claiming that the monkey is facing abuse, or some such thing. One is never sure with PETA, but they are so very sincere about whatever it is that has them in a tizzy. Now if someone would just weigh in on the rights of Homo Sapiens in this farce, all would be well.

All of this is designed, apparently, to make people watch something on WB that has to do with Pepsi. It seems that, thanks to TiVo and particularly deft manipulation of remote control buttons, Americans don't seem to know that Pepsi makes a cola one can drink and this devasting ignorance needs addressing.

Here's a suggestion. Put on grown up dramas and comedies written by people who have read a few books, played by actors who know their craft. Call it "Pepsi Cola Theatre." Put it on every night at 8 pm, and wait for the ratings to come in. Even if it is a total disaster, the monkey will be spared.


© Copyright 2003 by The Kensington Review, J. Myhre, Editor. No part of this publication may be reproduced without written consent.


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