Double Hockey Sticks

9 February 2003


Second Grader Suspended for Using the Word "Hell" Theologically

Last week, a young lady was suspended from Pittsburgh Public Schools for using the word "Hell" as it is understood by theologians. Apparently, officials there were concerned that the schools in Nashville would win the prize for stupidity having established a commanding lead by abolishing the honor roll. This late entry, though, gives Pittsburgh the championship for dumb administrators.

The facts in the case are undisputed. A young man said, "I swear to God," a common enough expression and reasonably innocent despite the separation of church and state. Brandy McKenith, aged 7, told her classmate that he would go to hell for swearing to God -- there are certain sects that view the taking of oaths like this one as a violation of the commandment against using the Lord's name in vain. Ms. McKenith's crime was using the word "Hell," being over heard by another student, who dutifully ratted on her.

She has served her one day suspension for violating the Pittsburgh Public Schools' student code of conduct, and her father, a police detective in the area, says he accepts her explanation. In a flash on incredible reasonableness, he has asked the school to re-evaluate its profanity policy rather than suing the bejesus out of it. Perhaps, he talked to the local civil liberties union and realized they aren't much better than the school. Witold Walczak, legal director of the Greater Pittsburgh's ACLU, remarked, "The school's policy says 'no profanity' and that's not further defined."

Actually, "profane" is easily defined -- it is the opposite of sacred. It is not to be confused with vulgar nor with obscene, which are the basis of most "naughty words" in English. George Carlin's famous "Seven Words You Can't Say on Television" does not include any profanity at all; there are four vulgar words and three obscene ones (a case can be made for reversing these figures) but none are profane. Speakers of English rely more on vulgarisms and obscenities than they do on profanities, whereas, speakers of French tend to the opposite. "Damn" is profane; "God Damn" most certainly is; but "Hell" is a stretch. One wonders how high school literature classes handle Dante's Inferno when the word "Hell" is not permitted.

In the end, well-intentioned bureaucracy merely makes an ass out of itself here. There is nothing cute nor admirable about children and adults using profanities, vulgarities and obscenities in situations that do not call for them -- and such situations aren't all that frequent. On the other hand, the inability of those who enforce the rules to understand what the rules mean makes a fine argument in favor of anarchy.

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