Wimbledon Bores Yet Again

June is an awkward month in sports. Baseball is hitting its stride, but the All-Star break looms, and half a dozen teams can be written off already. The NBA is just about done with its playoffs, which is good because the season starts again awfully soon. And across the pond, Chelsea’s premiership trophy remains a glorious bit of silverware, but all eyes are on Thursday’s draw for the Champions’ League. And the dreadful Wimbledon tennis tournament has arrived.

For the tennis fan and tourists, Wimbledon is the grass tennis Mecca, a must-see experience. Strawberries and cream at courtside. Bollocks. Wimbledon is a stop on the District Line, and one arrives there having slept through Earl’s Court when headed west. And the South Wimbledon stop on the Northern Line means one has missed the cricket ground at the Oval stop. Wimbledon is a dull satellite of charmless South-of-the-River tedium.

But what makes this all the worse is tennis. As a place, Wimbledon is no worse than Hounslow, Alperton, or Walthamstow, but these bits of Greater London don’t bore the world for a fortnight with such an appalling game. As George Carlin so shrewdly noted, tennis is just ping pong played standing on a really big table. And at that, it would be amusing. Whacking the ball about is good for one’s aggressive side. But the scoring system is simply ridiculous and corrupt.

It makes little difference what the points are called; "15-30-40-game" still means the first player to reach four points wins the game. Deuce is a silly concept; having to win by two is just dumb. Worse, points don’t win matches, merely games. And games don’t amount to anything because one must win a majority of sets to win the match. Nothing this unfair exists anywhere else in the world of sports. A player can actually get stomped and win the match. Consider: a woman player can win 6-4, 0-6, 6-4 meaning a majority of sets, but a minority of games (and on the men’s side, an additional 6-4, 0-6 pairing makes it worse). This victory for the loser can be magnified if a player gives up two or three points when winning, but taking no points at all when losing a game. Definitely a system invented by Victorians bent on abusing the working class and ruling India from Whitehall.

The Wimbledon Championship is played at the All England Lawn Tennis and Croquet Club. This august organization dates from 1868 when it was the All England Croquet Club. Then, the upstart game of tennis was added. It is time to return to the roots of the club. By all means, let the world watch Wimbledon live – croquet might even make good TV.


© Copyright 2005 by The Kensington Review, J. Myhre, Editor. No part of this publication may be reproduced without written consent.
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