Latest Razor Offers Five Blades, Battery, Micro-Chip

In one-upsmanship reminiscent of the Cold War (where the stakes were much higher, though the logic no better), razor manufacturers have been on an upward spiral in the number of blades they provide in a single cartridge for some time. First, it was the twin blade. Then, three blades in one cartridge. Which inevitably led to four. Today, Gillette has announced the shaving equivalent of the SS-20 or MX PeaceKeeper missile – a five-bladed razor with a battery and microchip called the Fusion. It’s enough to make one grow a beard.

Well, not really. Beards are somewhat gauche and more than a little suspect. No American president has worn one since Benjamin Harrison left the White House in 1893 (although, President Taft and the first President Roosevelt had mustaches). As George Carlin noted years ago, “Karl Marx had a beard. Vladimir Lenin had a beard. Gabby Hayes had whiskers,” so he was OK. Currently “in” among the hipsters is the goatee or Van Dyke. One might add tattooing and eyebrow piercing is also “in” among them. The wise man, hipness denied him by age and intelligence, prefers to be “out.”

Shaving one’s face, though, is an appallingly tedious chore. Anything that makes it more pleasant is a boon to humanity. Plucking the hairs with two clam shells millennia ago gave way to copper razors, which justified mining and smelting right there. Iron, steel, soap all helped. When King Camp Gillette invented the safety razor, it was a glorious day for all. Even Jacob Schick’s first electric razor didn’t make things worse. Shaving brushes, canned foam, soapy gels and after-shave all exist to make the unpleasant ritual a bit more bearable.

But now, there is a razor that has five blades, requires battery power and has a microchip, a computer, in it. And a single blade at the back for precision shaving. It is technology run amok. Economists speak of marginal utility in theory, but here is a situation where it really exists. Just how much better does the fifth blade make the shave? One doubts there is a device sensitive enough to measure it. Or perhaps that’s what the battery and microchip do.

Surely if five blades and a battery are state-of-the-art, man’s desire to improve things demands a sixth blade, greater power and more RAM. And if six is better, seven must be better still. What about a hard-drive? Remote control? Internet access? Wasn’t this how the SUV was invented? It’s a wonder the designers can look at themselves in the mirror every morning when they shave.


© Copyright 2005 by The Kensington Review, J. Myhre, Editor. No part of this publication may be reproduced without written consent.
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