No Thrills, Some Spills

20 January 2006



Fox’s “Skating with Celebrities” is a Non-Event

Fox, the same network that brought America “Married with Children,” “The Simpsons,” and “Malcolm in the Middle,” trotted out “Skating with Celebrities” on Wednesday in a desperate attempt to keep people watching after the season premier of “American Idol.” After viewing, one can only marvel at the fortitude and diligence of the Kensington Review in suffering through it for the benefit of its readers.

The premise of the program builds on ABC’s rather tedious “Dancing with the Stars.” The idea of that program is to take B-list stars, pair them with real ballroom dancers, and see who can do the best tango. Fox figured ice skating offered more possibilities for blood and gore, which always does well on American TV. So, six has-been (but world renown) skaters did a pairs program with 6 people who used to be famous or who might be really famous someday.

Now, what would have really worked is showing a few minutes of their first practice, falls and all. That would appeal to that segment of the American viewing public that slows down to stare at car accidents, stands outside burning buildings to watch the flames, and who go to Vin Diesel movies. These are the spiritual descendants of the people in the cheap seats at the Roman Coliseum who cheered the lions against the Christians. Alas, not even that was to be.

Instead, a few bits of the rehearsals preceded fair and thoroughly uninspiring performances by people like Debbie Gibson, Todd Bridges, and a perkily odious Jillian Barberie (who is so damn serious about this farce that she is stomach-turning). Kurt Browning and Nancy Kerrigan, as well as host Scott Hamilton, may have needed the paycheck, but they were decently professional if not exceptional in their roles.

The three judges seemed to be deliberate imitations of the “American Idol” crew: with Dorothy Hamill in the role of soft-hearted Paula Abdul, Mark Lund a relaxed “I’m here because I’m getting paid” version of Randy Jackson, and Sir John Nicks in the role of hard-arsed Englishman a la Simon Cowell (and by the way, very few Englishmen are quite so blunt in their criticisms unless paid to be such on US TV). While their criticisms were fair and even constructive with regard to the skating, they probably should have turned their critical faculties to the Fox executive who came up with this show and asked, “What profession are you going to try next?”


© Copyright 2006 by The Kensington Review, Jeff Myhre, PhD, Editor. No part of this publication may be reproduced without written consent.
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