Barbecue Season Arrives but Gas Grills Remain Legal

Despite being a year-round activity among the wise and godly, barbecue season has arrived in the northern hemisphere. Sadly, a visit to Home Depot, Lowe's or any other such chain will reveal a ghastly collection of propane-burning monstrosities. While the people are distracted by non-issues like gay marriage, ratings on video games and the laughable “war on Christmas,” the American culture of cooking outdoors is under siege by a legion of blue flame worshippers.

In the good old days, before the people at MHP invented the gas grill in 1960, there was no debate. Decent all-American families cooked decent all-American meals outside in the summer over decent all-American charcoal. Charcoal, incidentally, became popular thanks to Henry Ford, whose brother-in-law E.G. Kingsford was forever memorialized by Kingsford Charcoal, which was originally made from wood scraps from car factories. It doesn’t get more American than that.

But like the Garden of Eden, mankind couldn’t leave well-enough alone. Charcoal takes a while to get going, and Americans want everything yesterday. For that reason alone, barbecuing (cooking meat slowly over low heat for ages, the way God meant ribs to be done) has largely given way to grilling (fast, quick and in a hurry). Without considering the consequences, mankind (specifically MHP) took the natural gas range out of the kitchen and put it in the backyard – breaking the monopoly tornadoes had on that activity.

Now, people fire up their cook-outs with an ignition switch, the tasteless hockey pucks that pass for burgers are done in a couple of minutes, and everyone can get back inside for reruns of “Gilligan’s Island” all the quicker. Most telling, though, is the “good ones” come with a smoker attachment or accessory. Without those, one may as well cook in the kitchen without any pans, right over the burner.

Not in this corner, though. Indeed, charcoal failed to appear at the last local “do” – it has been largely banished in favor of mesquite and hickory. Real wood for real people. Hardwood cooking takes a bit longer, and one must be prepared for the food to actually taste of something. Still, what would Jesus cook over? Even if mesquite isn’t indigenous to Galilee, no way would he cook over the accursed blue flame.

© Copyright 2006 by The Kensington Review, Jeff Myhre, PhD, Editor. No part of this publication may be reproduced without written consent. Produced using Fedora Linux.

Home