Finnish Metal Act Lordi Wins Eurovision Song Contest

The Eurovision Song Contest has been a joke since the world was young. Given the diversity of the audience (all of Europe, plus a few), it is no surprise that the lowest common denominator winds up winning. This year, a Finnish heavy metal band of mask-wearing musicians called Lordi won, and frankly, they are an improvement on the likes of Abba, Bucks Fizz and Celine Dion.

Lordi have to be seen, and heard, to be believed. They wear masks and costumes that make them look like extras from Peter Jackson’s “Lord of the Rings” films, and they have vowed never to take them off in public. Their idols, KISS, promised the same with their makeup years ago, and didn’t follow through. The initial reaction of anyone who grew up with Alice Cooper and the like is to laugh heartily at this feeble attempt at theatrics. Apparently, Eurovision’s viewers took this part of the act seriously.

The band’s lyrics are as inane as most metal acts. “Wings on my back/I got horns on my head/My fangs are sharp/And my eyes are red/Not quite an angel/The one that fell/Now choose to join us or go straight to Hell. “ Fans of the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy will spot to Vogon influence in the “poetry” here. In the immortal words of Grandpa Simpson, “I’ve coughed up scarier stuff than that.” In their defense, English isn't their first language.

As usual, there was some jackass clergyman who took the act at face value. Father Mitro Repo, an Orthodox Christian clergyman in Helsinki, decided Lordi’s name (which is “The Lord” in English) was “sacrilegious.” Odd, then that he didn’t complain about the Upper House in the British Parliament. Then, since the contest took place in Athens, Greek protesters known as “The Hellenes” asked the Finnish powers that be to pull Lordi from the show. “We ask the Finnish Commission of the Eurovision Song Contest to cancel the procedure and choose another song,” they said. “This evil and satanic Finnish band is not welcome in Greece.” It would seem the good padre and the Hellenes couldn’t find a showing of the “Da Vinci Code” to protest.

Tomi Putaansuu, Lordi’s singer, denied this saying, “"We have nothing to do with Satan worshipping or anything like that - this is entertainment.” Well, that might be pushing it a bit. On the other hand, what could be more tedious than the kind of song that usually wins the Eurovision contest: the bubble-gummy “we love everyone, and be happy” foursome of blonde, tanned, lip-synching . . . well, Lordi is just an improvement for being different, if stupid.

© Copyright 2006 by The Kensington Review, Jeff Myhre, PhD, Editor. No part of this publication may be reproduced without written consent. Produced using Fedora Linux.

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