Unwind Already

29 January 2007



Caffeine-Laced Donuts to Hit US Market

America has a drug problem, and the government is doing absolutely nothing about it. The drug in question is caffeine, and it is unlikely that anyone outside the Mormon Church is free of the drug. To make matters worse, word from North Carolina, which has already given America too much tobacco, has it that one will soon be able to get caffeinated donuts.

Dr. Robert Bohannon, a molecular biologist who owns a café, has found a way to put caffeine in donuts, obviating the need to order coffee. “This gives people the opportunity if they want to have a glass of milk and want to have caffeine. It will get them going,” Bohannon told CNN. Having dubbed his products the “Buzz Donut” and the “Buzzed Bagel,” he is now trying to get Krispy Kreme and others interested.

In developing the products, he had to overcome the general nastiness of caffeine’s taste. It’s bitter and literally hard to swallow. “They were terrible, absolutely horrid,” Dr. Bohannon said. “The caffeine was so bitter it would just make you puke.” CNN said, “He has since learned how to turn caffeine into small, flour-like particles, eliminating the bitterness and gritty texture. He also adds a vegetable oil-based coating.”

What he never asked was whether this was a good idea. America already has too many people running on caffeine instead of sleep. Barry Popkin, a nutrition scientist at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill was interviewed by CNN for this story, and he said, “We’re seeing teens and young adults ending up in the emergency room because they’re consuming Red Bull [80 mg of caffeine each] and some of these other energy drinks.” The report added “300 to 400 milligrams a day can lead to heart problems, among other negatives. A 12-ounce soda typically has 30 to 55 milligrams of caffeine.”

The problem is not the drug per se, but rather the cultural environment that requires one to be alert and peppy at all times. That’s idiocy, but that’s the way the country runs. If it were socially acceptable to sleep late, take a siesta or just leave work early every so often, the “need” for caffeine would vanish. Dr. Bohannon told CNN “he has customers at his café who order eight shots of high-caffeine espresso at a time.” Amphetamine sulfate has nothing on that.

© Copyright 2007 by The Kensington Review, Jeff Myhre, PhD, Editor. No part of this publication may be reproduced without written consent. Produced using Fedora Linux.


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